The First Day

Dear Junior,

                I realize that your life is not ideal right now. What with your dad just dying and the constant, impending doom of the end of the world hanging over your head, I cannot even imagine how you deal with it. However, I come offering consolation for your current predicament by saying: be thankful you never had to experience the first day of AP English 11. Now, I know you do not know me very well, or at all for that matter, but trust me when I say you should be thankful.

First of all, I am possibly the most timid and shy person you will ever meet, with a heart similar to Rodney’s in my desire to treat people kindly. So I’m sure you can imagine timid, little old me entering AP English 11 on that first day of school after hearing all of the rumors. Oh, those rumors! Rumors spread by older classmates, siblings, and even teachers. All concluding that AP English was ultimately impossible. The work load. The discussions. The teacher. Each aspect of the class was twisted and mutilated into a fiery culmination of devastating fear and crippling apprehension. Or at least that’s how it seemed to me. So as I entered that first day, my knees shook miserably. My heart raced feverishly inside my chest that felt like an impossibly heavy weight was resting uncomfortably on it. As I entered the class it was dead silent. No one wanted to mess with this teacher. Not with all those rumors swirling around out there.

But what I have to tell you, Junior, is that I survived. It seemed overwhelming and miserable at the time, but I survived. And it was worth it. So worth it. So when you say things like “My whole life there never was a point to anything,” don’t hold yourself back to the joys in life (163). As difficult as situations may appear at first glance, there is always something good you can get out of it. And I understand when you say, “life has…always seemed a messy and heartbreaking and overall pointless affair,” because your life really has not been fair (143). Like the first day of AP English 11, we can all get caught up in the lies and fear that encompass our lives, but we need to learn how to deal with it in a positive way that will eventually help us. And when you say, “What difference does it make?...Die today, die a year from now,”  I once again understand where you’re coming from, but don’t hold yourself back from greatness due to your own indifference (244). So when the Voice says, “It does matter. All of it,” believe him/her (268). Please don’t go through life fixating on the times that you feel have destroyed you or the times where you felt hopeless and scared because that is no way to live a life. Be thankful that you didn’t have to undergo the first day of AP English 11, but be thankful for your own challenges in life. We may not see it at the time, but everything matters, and no matter how bad a situation may seem, if you try to seek the good in it, you will find something worthwhile. Please keep this in mind when you feel defeated and alone because everything really does matter.

Best Wishes,

                Nicola Zollinger