What Matters

Science-fiction. Romance. Action. Heartbreak. Suspense. All subjects that make a great fiction book, and all subjects that Everything Matters! by Ron Currie Jr. encapsulates. For me, reading provides an idyllic escape from reality. Whether cheerful or depressing, reading forces us to feel a different emotion, and sometimes helps to pinpoint the emotion we were trying to avoid in the first place. Such subjects and genres as science-fiction, romance, action, heartbreak, and suspense can be warped in a myriad of ways to create magic on a page, but what makes Everything Matters! my favorite English book this year, is how exquisitely Currie manipulates these themes. Currie sends the reader on a whirlwind journey of emotions and suspenseful surprises. What made this book so good for me was how Currie could stir up such strong emotions from the reader. As Junior begins to lose touch with reality the Voice states, “you are undergoing dramatic changes in brain chemistry brought on by heavy, prolonged alcohol and drug consumption” (104). At this moment in the book, I felt so annoyed with Junior. In school, the Voice described him as incredibly intelligent, and here he is completely throwing his life away. This complete foil provoked a great sense of anger from me to the point that I wanted to step inside the book and try to shake Junior from the insanity. And after a stint of being thoroughly angered, Currie turns around and provokes another strong emotion. After Junior pulls his life back together in an attempt to save his father, the Voice instructs, “He wouldn’t want you to die to save his life” (190). At this point, I felt a sense of fondness towards Junior for trying to save his father, but I was also annoyed at the desperate and self-destructive manner at which he was doing it with. Once again, Currie completely changed the feelings that I had towards the main character and the story. Near the end of the book, when Amy gets killed, she thinks, “I wish I could tell you there’s nothing sad at all in death, but I can’t” (258). Upon reading these last few sentences in the section, I was so upset. How could Currie do this to Junior? Hasn’t he been through enough? I was so upset that I ran to my mom and told her the whole story because I wanted her to understand how completely devastating and disheartening the story was. An author that can send me on such an emotional rollercoaster and make me feel deep sympathy for the characters is definitely doing something right. Not only was the manipulation of emotions superb in the novel, but the plot itself was incredibly engaging and imaginative. More than once in the text I was even reminded of Ms. Serensky’s stories about her family vacations, when her nieces and nephews would undergo “simultaneous disappointment.” So many times in the text could I image everyone who read this book undergoing a terrible plague of simultaneous disappointment.  However, no matter how disappointing the text was at times, it reflects reality because nothing turns out the way we want it to or as expected. Overall, this book was my favorite because of its raw, valid plot, and its ability to evoke strong, powerful emotions.

"Top Ten Most Thrilling Academic Moments of My High School Career"

My "Top Ten Most Thrilling Academic Moments of My High School Career" list is a compilation of moments that I am most proud of, or the moments that surprised me the most in High School.

1. Our English group beating the Dream Team and getting a perfect score for multiple choice first quarter this year. At this point, our group followed the advice that “most every choice will have consequences,” which was very applicable because our choices helped us to prevail (Currie, 4).

2. Getting the same critical reading score as Lizzy Burl on the SAT. Lizzy Burl is really smart, so once I heard this news I could only think to be at “Peace and be still,” for I knew I had succeeded in some way (Shakespeare, 5.2. 47).

3. Being inducted into the Cum Laude Society made me realize that every bit of homework and studying that I do and have done, no matter how painful, “does matter. All of it” (Currie 268).

4. Playing catch-phrase in creative writing. Since “The truth is rarely pure and never simple,” it was a challenge to come up with the correct answers (Wilde, 6).

5. Being on the Chagrin Valley Conference All Academic Team for 4 years of varsity gymnastics. My relationship with gymnastics can be summed up in the simple phrase of “I will kill thee,/ And love thee after,” for when I was partaking in all the hard work and pain, I wanted nothing more than to destroy gymnastics, but after it was done I was grateful for the strength and opportunities that it gave me (Shakespeare, 5.2. 18).

6. My toothpick bridge withstanding and surpassing 5 lbs in physics. Even as I watched and knew that “Everything ends,” it was still sad to see all my hard work crumble to the ground (Currie, 292).

7. Passing the AP U.S. History AP test. When I finished the test I thought to myself “Well, this is the last time I shall ever do” that (Wilde, 29).

8.  Earning all A’s second semester junior year. Sometimes I find that “It’s perfectly easy to be cynical,” when it comes to feelings about grades, but this feat made me feel very accomplished (Wilde, 7).

9. Being the top scorer in our English 11 class for multiple choice third quarter junior year.

If someone had asked me that day “Do you triumph?,” I would have certainly responded

with a satisfied “Yes” (Shakespeare, 4.1. 120).

10. Passing the AP English Language/Composition test. It was certainly a relief after many

months of stressing and psyching myself out, which made me “realize that strange as it

sounds, this [AP English] is an essential part of who I am” (Currie, 86).

What is Love?

My favorite poem from this year is “All Love Letters Are,” by Fernando Pessoa. Throughout the poem, the speaker makes assertions about the ridiculousness of love letters. He/she reflects on how they too wrote equally ridiculous love letters in their past, and continuously assert that because they are love letters, they have to be ridiculous. This poem is my favorite because it’s a very relatable poem. Everyone can relate to eccentric and ridiculous feelings attached to love.  The speaker humorously and ironically strikes back in the poem saying that those who don’t right love letters at all are actually the ridiculous ones. This opinion wittingly uncovers a bit of truth, for those who do act on passion and love most definitely end up looking ridiculous, but, paradoxically, those who do not act are just as ridiculous for letting life and love pass by. This poem swimmingly correlates with my favorite book this year; Everything Matters!, by Ron Currie Jr. In this novel, Currie elegantly and grimly paints a picture of the ridiculous habit of love.  Junior, who constantly sees the pitfalls of love, often thinks, “life has…always seemed a messy and heartbreaking and overall pointless affair” (143). His attempt to reveal his ridiculous knowledge of the end of the world with his love all goes wrong. In this moment, Junior feels the heartbreak and overall ridiculousness of love, feeling that nothing good can ever come of it. The narrator at the story even mocks Junior’s situation and states, “even your best, most loving and generous and bighearted choices had been wrong, wrong, wrong” (266). The voice’s repetition of “wrong” emphasizes how disappointing love can be, especially in Junior’s life. This parallels Pessoa’s poem’s message that love can be a ridiculous, messy thing. However, towards the end of the novel, the voice asserts, “Everything matters not in spite of the end of you and all that you love, but because of it” (292). Here the voice illustrates that even through all of the messy consequences in life, love should be sought out in spite of it all. The terrible circumstances, the inopportune moments that turn out badly, are the reasons why love is ridiculous, and ridiculous enough to make all the hard troubles better. Personally, I enjoy Pessoa’s message that both sides of love are ridiculous, which more people should accept and embrace.

A Conflict of Interests

As we all know, the group poetry presentations this semester offered a very diverse range of humor and humiliation to all involved.  Although playing the game “human knot” is always fun in AP English (I can’t believe that I’ve played that twice in my AP English career), my favorite day in AP English 12 occurred on one of the poetry days, when it was the Dream Team’s turn to present their powerfully patriotic poem. On this day, the Dream Team pitted each poetry group, and Ms. Serensky, against each other, in a style similar to Othello’s rant, “I will kill thee,/ And love thee after” (5.2. 18-19). They gave each group the opportunity to properly analyze a part of the poem, and then had all the groups vote another group off. While each group answered, the Dream team filled a container with candy they believed properly represented the depth to which the answer was analyzed. As conflicts began to arise and teams began to slowly be voted off, all that remained was the clunking of the candy in the Dream Team’s jar, our group, and Ms. Serensky. With the communal feeling that “There’s never been anything but the sorrow of loss,” we sent up our history buff/team delegate Kyle to battle with Ms. Serensky in a sudden death round (Currie 121). I, personally, “dislike arguments of any kind,” so I was glad that I was not the person who had to argue over the outcome of our team (Wilde 52). However, with the ring of the bell and a successful answer by Kyle, our team won the bucket load of candy that the Dream Team had so carefully gathered. As we left the classroom, each group member with a large bag of candy in tow and a smile on their face, I could not help but think that this was my favorite day in AP English 12.  

An Old Friend

Chasuble: Why, what a lovely day it is.

Bianca: Pray I have seen better days. The sun is unbearably hot and the sky is dotted with clouds.

Chasuble: Perhaps we could go under the shade of a tree?

Bianca: Well, perhaps that would be nice.

Chasuble: Oh, dear! I have just forgotten! I was supposed to visit my ill friend, Ditherly, this afternoon. He has come down with a case of terrible chills, and it would be too unkind of me not to visit him.

Bianca: Why is it that I’ve never heard of this friend? He sounds perfectly tragic.

Chasuble: Well, if you must know, he likes to be alone. Unnoticed. Preferably living the life of a hermit.

Bianca: A hermit? What kind of life is that? Meeting new people is the greatest joy in life!

Chasuble: My dear, dear Bianca, some people just don’t have the mental grasp on reality that we do.

Bianca: “I pray you bring me on the way,” I would love to go into town (3.4. 196).

Chasuble: Oh, but my dear, my poor friend does not live in town. He takes his pleasure traveling around the shore.

Bianca: The shore? What a delightful pastime! Pray you let me join you!

Chasuble: I’m sorry I must disappoint you. The story is “very sad, indeed” (26).

Bianca: And why is that?

Chasuble: See, my poor friend, he’s not quite right at the moment. The chills, it has affected his head. It would not be wise to bring new faces for him.

Bianca: “Let the devil and his dam haunt you” (4.1. 148)? Oh, you mustn’t go! He sounds rather unsafe.

Chasuble: Safety has nothing to do with it. I am simply acting on the requests of a poor friend. I would not have it any other way.

Bianca: What a sweet, noble action dear Chasuble.

Chasuble: You are all too kind, love.

Bianca: So we must part now?

Chasuble: I’m afraid so, but “you were always the most generous and forgiving,” so I believe all will be forgotten soon (26).

Bianca: But please, will you tell me more about your friend first?

Chasuble: That would be unwise, dear.

Bianca: Aw, but why?

Chasuble: Well…

Bianca: Please?

Chasuble: I’m gonna get real weird with it right now.

Bianca: Chasuble, what ever do you mean?

Chasuble: Well…my friend Ditherly, that I told you about…

Bianca: Yes, go on.

Chasuble: Well, he’s not actually ill.

Bianca: And what do you mean by that?

Chasuble: I mean…he’s really an earth crashed alien that’s trying to make contact with his home planet who asked me to protect him from the ever present eyes of those who would most certainly expose him.

Bianca: Oh…well, in that case…Please enjoy your stay with your friend…and I’ll stay here… and enjoy this wonderful shade.

The Wretchedness of Desdemona

I sit staring at the blank, lined paper that mockingly stares back at me. Today, Ms. Serensky assigned us the task of writing creatively about the meaning of our name in our journals. Desdemona. What a terribly boring name. A name that means “wretchedness.”  How much worse could this be? And with my controlling father constantly forcing my submissive nature, and my loving Othello gone, I can hardly focus on such a dismal topic. How ever shall I think of what to write about? Well…Oh, goodness! There are only seven minutes left! Well, I must come up with something…

“Desdemona”

Like the seas, winds, waves that defeat ships and lives,

So does the wretchedness of Desdemona.

A light, shining vigilantly in the distance,

Does no good when faced with the wretchedness of Desdemona.

And still, when “unkindness may defeat my love” (4.2 . 159)

Thou shalt feel the stinging wrath of the wretchedness of Desdemona.

Without time, without tears, without toil “I cannot tell” (4.2. 108),

But do not dismiss the wretchedness of Desdemona.

Though time may play the unkindly role,

Please forgive the unfortunate wretchedness of Desdemona.

And when my time has come, when death’s raw hands “kills for loving” (5.2. 42)

Do remember the wretchedness of Desdemona.

Well that was perfectly dreadful! And oh, dear! Now we must read them to the class? What poor, unfortunate souls. Well, here goes nothing….

                As I read my poetry, I can here snickering rising in volume as the class becomes frayed about the peculiar meaning of my name. Or is it because they, too, believe I am truly wretched? Oh, how I wish I could be with my Othello now, away from all these indolent people with their haughty attitudes and constant need for attention and approval.  As the snickering rises to a chorus of laughter, Hannah retorts, “Thank you for not laughing at my blog.” I burying my face in my hands as the tears begin to race down my flushed, hot cheeks. Worst. English. Class. Ever.

The First Day

Dear Junior,

                I realize that your life is not ideal right now. What with your dad just dying and the constant, impending doom of the end of the world hanging over your head, I cannot even imagine how you deal with it. However, I come offering consolation for your current predicament by saying: be thankful you never had to experience the first day of AP English 11. Now, I know you do not know me very well, or at all for that matter, but trust me when I say you should be thankful.

First of all, I am possibly the most timid and shy person you will ever meet, with a heart similar to Rodney’s in my desire to treat people kindly. So I’m sure you can imagine timid, little old me entering AP English 11 on that first day of school after hearing all of the rumors. Oh, those rumors! Rumors spread by older classmates, siblings, and even teachers. All concluding that AP English was ultimately impossible. The work load. The discussions. The teacher. Each aspect of the class was twisted and mutilated into a fiery culmination of devastating fear and crippling apprehension. Or at least that’s how it seemed to me. So as I entered that first day, my knees shook miserably. My heart raced feverishly inside my chest that felt like an impossibly heavy weight was resting uncomfortably on it. As I entered the class it was dead silent. No one wanted to mess with this teacher. Not with all those rumors swirling around out there.

But what I have to tell you, Junior, is that I survived. It seemed overwhelming and miserable at the time, but I survived. And it was worth it. So worth it. So when you say things like “My whole life there never was a point to anything,” don’t hold yourself back to the joys in life (163). As difficult as situations may appear at first glance, there is always something good you can get out of it. And I understand when you say, “life has…always seemed a messy and heartbreaking and overall pointless affair,” because your life really has not been fair (143). Like the first day of AP English 11, we can all get caught up in the lies and fear that encompass our lives, but we need to learn how to deal with it in a positive way that will eventually help us. And when you say, “What difference does it make?...Die today, die a year from now,”  I once again understand where you’re coming from, but don’t hold yourself back from greatness due to your own indifference (244). So when the Voice says, “It does matter. All of it,” believe him/her (268). Please don’t go through life fixating on the times that you feel have destroyed you or the times where you felt hopeless and scared because that is no way to live a life. Be thankful that you didn’t have to undergo the first day of AP English 11, but be thankful for your own challenges in life. We may not see it at the time, but everything matters, and no matter how bad a situation may seem, if you try to seek the good in it, you will find something worthwhile. Please keep this in mind when you feel defeated and alone because everything really does matter.

Best Wishes,

                Nicola Zollinger